she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She's the barista slut.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
