I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
