Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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