I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
