that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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