I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
