We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
