My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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