I hate all girls vehemently.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
