I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
