Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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