Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
