Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
