hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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