i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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