I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
