I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
