I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
