i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
