Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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