my mouth tastes like poor choices
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
