I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
