Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
The ass gains better be worth it
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize