Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize