Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize