I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Randomize
