I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
