i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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