Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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