I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
