every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
