I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
