Fuck appropriateness.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
