Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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