Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
