You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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