Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
