Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We talked him into tasing himself.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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