Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
