That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
