Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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