Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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