i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
