I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
