I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
