I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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