actually, I'm a sock model
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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