I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
