This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
