i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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