He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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