We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
