Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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