i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize