"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
