So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
