just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
