Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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