just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
