I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Screwed.edu
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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