remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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