i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
