Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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