Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
