Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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