If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize