When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize