You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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