I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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