where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
