I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
